I consult with a lot of people who have questions about romantic relationships. Relationships they have, relationships they used to have, relationships they want to have...we hold a lot of energy in this area.
That makes sense, given the culture that we live in. Our culture tells us that we need to have a romantic relationship in order to be balanced, healthy individuals.
But that's not true! Living a balanced, emotionally healthy lifestyle is a skill set that we have to work on and develop. It's not a package that we suddenly receive when we tell someone that we agree to be in relationship with them.
After all--I'm fairly sure that every one of us knows some people who never seem to have their act together, or members of a couple in a terrible relationship, who keep holding on because they're so enthralled by the number of weeks/months/years together they've amassed.
(Sometimes WE are the people in the bad relationship. But that is a separate issue.)
The rationalization usually sounds something like this--After your friend has cried on your shoulder for the seventeenth time, describing something that seems an obvious reason to terminate the relationship to you, if you even suggest that they may want to take a break, the friend says something that sounds like this: "I can't do that! We've been together too long to break up now!"
So. Those healthy-relationship skills are something that we have to work on on purpose, if we want them to develop. Among other things, we have to learn:
*how to seek and create the relationship that will be most fulfilling
*how to maintain a sense of self within a romantic unit
*how to honor our boundaries, and choose partners who do the same
*how to talk to each other, even when we don't want to;
*how to listen, even we don't feel like it
--and not only do we have to learn these skills, but we also have to keep working on them. This is like being assigned a book report...covering all of the works of William Shakespeare...that we have to present in a foreign language that we don't speak...and it's due in three days. In other words--It's a lot of pressure, and it doesn't let up.
The fact of the matter is that every relationship has its own secret language. Each person who is participating in the relationship has a whole field of thoughts, beliefs and expectations that are attached to them, including their romantic history, their expectations for the relationship, and whatever limitations they are holding for the relationship. On top of that, we have cultural beliefs and restrictions attached to our beliefs around age, our region of origin, gender-based behavior, and our finances. When you look at all of these factors, it's a wonder that any relationships ever make it off the ground.
That's where I can help. Coming soon: a five-week workshop and discussion group about intuition and romantic relationships. The early-bird fee is $10 per week until October 1. (After that: $25 per week, or $100 for the entire set.) Would you like to attend? Send me a message to cast your vote!
Please note that I will only move forward with the workshop if there is enough interest. We'll have delicious tea and light snacks--this is bonding time at its finest. Are you in? Let me know what you think.
As always--love freely, live well, and be true to your dreams.
Much love,
Tanisia
P.S.: You are cordially invited to schedule a reading of your own, where we can talk about anything you like. Well. Almost anything.
That makes sense, given the culture that we live in. Our culture tells us that we need to have a romantic relationship in order to be balanced, healthy individuals.
But that's not true! Living a balanced, emotionally healthy lifestyle is a skill set that we have to work on and develop. It's not a package that we suddenly receive when we tell someone that we agree to be in relationship with them.
After all--I'm fairly sure that every one of us knows some people who never seem to have their act together, or members of a couple in a terrible relationship, who keep holding on because they're so enthralled by the number of weeks/months/years together they've amassed.
(Sometimes WE are the people in the bad relationship. But that is a separate issue.)
The rationalization usually sounds something like this--After your friend has cried on your shoulder for the seventeenth time, describing something that seems an obvious reason to terminate the relationship to you, if you even suggest that they may want to take a break, the friend says something that sounds like this: "I can't do that! We've been together too long to break up now!"
So. Those healthy-relationship skills are something that we have to work on on purpose, if we want them to develop. Among other things, we have to learn:
*how to seek and create the relationship that will be most fulfilling
*how to maintain a sense of self within a romantic unit
*how to honor our boundaries, and choose partners who do the same
*how to talk to each other, even when we don't want to;
*how to listen, even we don't feel like it
--and not only do we have to learn these skills, but we also have to keep working on them. This is like being assigned a book report...covering all of the works of William Shakespeare...that we have to present in a foreign language that we don't speak...and it's due in three days. In other words--It's a lot of pressure, and it doesn't let up.
The fact of the matter is that every relationship has its own secret language. Each person who is participating in the relationship has a whole field of thoughts, beliefs and expectations that are attached to them, including their romantic history, their expectations for the relationship, and whatever limitations they are holding for the relationship. On top of that, we have cultural beliefs and restrictions attached to our beliefs around age, our region of origin, gender-based behavior, and our finances. When you look at all of these factors, it's a wonder that any relationships ever make it off the ground.
That's where I can help. Coming soon: a five-week workshop and discussion group about intuition and romantic relationships. The early-bird fee is $10 per week until October 1. (After that: $25 per week, or $100 for the entire set.) Would you like to attend? Send me a message to cast your vote!
Please note that I will only move forward with the workshop if there is enough interest. We'll have delicious tea and light snacks--this is bonding time at its finest. Are you in? Let me know what you think.
As always--love freely, live well, and be true to your dreams.
Much love,
Tanisia
P.S.: You are cordially invited to schedule a reading of your own, where we can talk about anything you like. Well. Almost anything.
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